by: Rachel Davis, author of “Conversation King“
There are two main ways in which we communicate with others: non-verbal communication and vocal/verbal communication. You probably already know a little about the non-verbal side of things, such as the types of body language that silently signal someone’s nervous, excited or angry. But how about the more obvious but actually less frequently discussed topic of verbal communication: how what we say and how we say it impacts on our lives and goals? That’s the subject we’re going to look at today. Except we’re going to a get a little more specific and delve into how a guy can make easy, fun conversation with a woman, that helps lead to attraction and sexual chemistry between the two of you.
Let’s first get a grasp on a few pieces of background information. First off, how do most men make conversation with a woman they’re attracted to? What do they do right, wrong or completely miss out from their talks with the opposite sex? The best way to answer these questions is simply to identify the mistakes the majority of men out there make – things every guy, for whatever reason, chooses to do when talking to a girl, that hinder – rather than help – his chances of hooking up with her.
Mistake #1: ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS. Lots of men worry that when they start talking to a girl, she won’t say much back. This outcome, standing there – suffering an awkward, embarrassing silence – is so much of a concern that they ask the girl question after question to avoid it. The reason they bombard her with questions is because they think that the best way of getting and keeping the girl talking is by giving her more and more opportunities to say something, no matter what the topic happens to be. Unfortunately, doing this sends out a very negative message. It actually shows that you’re nervous and would prefer her to do most of the talking, which often turns the woman off completely.
Mistake #2: NEVER SHUTTING UP. This is the opposite scenario to the one above, but happens for the same reason. Some men, scared that the girl they’re talking to will up and leave any second, choose to talk endlessly in an effort to keep their attention. Again, this is immediately obvious as a sign of social inexperience and nervousness.
Mistake #3: BORING HER TO DEATH. It’s not easy talking to a girl who’s beautiful, sexy and usually practically unattainable. So when a guy gets chatting to a girl he really likes, who’s hot and confident, he doesn’t want to mess it up – after all, it might not happen again for ages! So, in an attempt to limit the chance of saying something that might ruin the interaction and thus his chances with her, he subconsciously restricts the topics of conversation he brings up. He talks about work, the weather, sports, current affairs, perhaps bombards her with a few questions on those subjects…and generally doesn’t push the boat out much.
Okay, so they’re 3 of the worst mistakes a guy can make when talking to a girl he likes. So let’s flip the coin and look at what he SHOULD be doing.
Objective #1: PROGRESSIVE QUESTIONING. Choose what questions you ask the girl wisely. You don’t want to throw too many her way too quickly. If you do, you give her too much control over the conversation and don’t provide her with a challenge. So, use progressive questioning – ask her questions that she MUST give a detailed response to. Avoid Yes/No questions and instead quiz her on things that require emotion-packed responses. “Do you come her often?” is a terrible question. “What do you think this place could do to make it feel more lively and fun?” is much better, as it not only requires a more detailed reply than a simple “Yes” or “No,” it also probes the girl on what makes her feel good.
Objective #2: Don’t be afraid to let short pauses punctuate your conversation with a girl. Many men panic when they hear a silence and jump in with another question or statement to fill it. Don’t make the same mistake. A confident, dominant guy – the kind of man women love – isn’t afraid of little pauses, because they’re natural and harmless. He simply, waits a second or two, sips his drink, smiles and goes with the flow.
Objective #3: It’s okay to use common topics of conversation when you first get talking to a girl. But move away from the mundane stuff as quickly as you can and instead choose to tell engaging stories. Describe a great holiday you had, an amazing concert you recently went to…make it positive and interesting and you engage the girl’s emotions and make her want to tell YOU about her own good times. When this happens, instant rapport and sexual chemistry is born.
Rachel Davis is the author of Conversation-King, a guide that teaches men how to attract and seduce women by mastering the art of verbal communication.