Today would have been Fred Rogers AKA Mr. Roger’s 80th birthday if he hadn’t have died back in 2003 from stomach cancer. In honor of him today was declared wear a ’sweater day’.
If you aren’t a fan of Mr. Rogers just pretend that it is instead ‘peacock like David Wygant day’.
I grew up with Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood and to this day I still have a personalized autographed picture of him on my wall in my bachelor pad. Women love it.
But at times I wonder if his passiveness and meekness contributed to me being an AFC in my earlier years.
Mr. Rogers didn’t come across as a very confident person. He seemed timid and shy. He preached loving and sharing.
I wonder if he wasn’t the proper role model to prepare the young Mack for the harshness of the real world.
Now a days kids think Mr. Rogers is boring. They rather watch Elmo spazzing out or flashy Japanese cartoons that invoke seizures.
When I was a kid the cartoon I got stuck watching was the Smurfs.
Everything was so fucking ‘Smurfy’ it made me want to puke.
Smurfville was a complete cockfest and all the dudes went around kissing Smurfettes’ ass. They were classic AFCs with little blue balls.
Any how, I have a plan to make my future kids alpha males from the crib.
Here are a few of them:
1. Red Bull in their baby bottle
2. Do my part to ensure that their first word is “f-close”
3. Teach them how to use stories about one of the Jonas Brothers possibly dating Hannah Montana for “chick crack”
4. Have them recite the rules of Fight Club before every meal (right after their prayers of course!)
5. Teach them how to prevent flaking when Walkie Talkie-ing a girl
6. Only allow them to watch Rambo and Terminator movies along with the occasional Entourage and Miami Vice episode.
7. Rap the song “Baby Got Back” word for word with them
8. Teach them the many contextual and derivative uses of the word “fuck” at an early age
9. Give them the “birds and the bees” speech once they are old enough to crawl
10. Buy them the most pimped-out yo-yo money can buy to use as a prop when they sarge the playground
Damn, I’m going to be the best dad ever!