Don’t Lean Into Girls by DJ Fuji

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DJ Fuji worked with Mehow and his company.

Here’s a short article by him about the importance of not leaning into a girl when talking to her.

Make sure you go see DJ Fuji speak at The 21 Convention 2010 this summer in Orlando… click here for the details…


“The Mistake of Leaning In” by DJ Fuji

The vast majority of guys do this.


- Because you can’t hear her.

- Because you like her.

- Because she’s shorter than you.

- Because you want her validation.

This is probably the most common mistake guys make in the initial stages of the approach and pickup. Don’t ever lean in during the first few minutes. The shorter she is and the more you like her, the more you’ll want to instinctively lean in. If she’s sitting down, a lot of guys will kneel or bend over at the waist. This will blow you out faster than anything else short of punching her in the face. Don’t do it.

The lower she is (sitting down, lying down, shorter than you, etc), the more you want to overcompensate by leaning back. When you walk up to a woman sitting down on a bench, for example, it almost always looks like you’re leaning into her from her perspective. So you have to lean BACK to overcompensate for this.

But what if you can’t hear her? You don’t really need to. Not at the beginning, anyway. The first few minutes of the interaction should be your stack. The only input you need is ‘illusory,’ meaning you don’t have to understand what she’s saying - you’re just giving her the illusion of listening to her responses. If it’s later into the interaction and you need to hear her, point at your ear. She’ll understand to come closer to talk in your ear.

If she can’t hear YOU, then speak louder. Talk from your diaphragm. If it’s so loud in the club that your ears ring when you leave and you can’t hear even when you’re shouting into each other’s ears, then pick a different club. For the time being you’re going to want to either sarge the quieter areas or move the set to a quieter area as soon as possible. This is also where bottle service can come in handy if your friends are ballers (or if you’re trying to bribe the venue into letting you film there). In some clubs where the music is unbearably loud and you have to shout into people ears to be heard, do two things. One, approach direct to target to win her over, then win over her friends. Second, if u have to shout into her ear, either make her come to you so that she leans towards you, or turn your body so that your torso faces away from her and lean BACK into her. Even though you’re leaning towards her, the psychological response is that of you leaning back. Last resort, get closer. Take a half step towards her and lean back to compensate. You’ll be closer but will seem further away than if you were a half step back and leaning into her.

And finally, the best way to fix the instinctive ‘leaning in’ that most people do:

Start stacking. If you’ve read Mehow’s Get the Girl! Manual you’ll know why: You can’t simultaneously focus on fixing your body language and trying to come up with what to say.

Fix this sticking point alone and you’ll notice your sets running better. Stay tuned for the rest of the common mistakes, and how to fix them next time.

Keep it up!”

- DJ Fuji

PS: for more info on seeing me speak at The 21 Convention this summer click here

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Comments: One comment

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  • Tyler Moss
    June 9th, 2008 at 9:01 am

    Great article. Sometimes you just need to step a little closer. It shows her that you are confident to invade her space. You can always back away a little bit if she seems to get uncomfortable after a few seconds or minutes.

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