How Do You Know If He’s Really Her Boyfriend…?

Here’s an interesting Q&A newsletter from Carlos Xuma on the question: How do you know if he’s really her boyfriend or not…?


Carlos, I hope you can help me out here. I used some of your techniques on approaching women. I have to tell you they work great…

I met a girl the other day who was hanging out with a guy. She gave me her number, saying that the guy was just a friend. HE said she was his girlfriend.

So who do I believe - the girl that says they are just friends, or the guy that says they are together?

- Marcus


I’ll bet you a fair amount of cash that most guys out there have run into this one before.

I have a TON of times.

The circumstances are slightly different, but in the end, you want to know if she’s “with him” or not.

You go into a bar, or club, or you see an attractive women in the store that you want to meet, and there’s this Other Guy there. She’s not really affectionate towards him, even though he seems to be pretty touchy-feely and attentive.

You might walk up and say hello to her and she acts nice and interested, and introduces her “friend” John to you.

And then he puffs up his chest and acts all possessive, cock-blocking you all over the place.

You want to know who you should believe?

NEITHER of them!

Here’s what’s going on from HER perspective:

This guy is a “wannabe.”

He’s probably needy & clingy and doesn’t really Man-Up enough to get her excited and sexually attracted. That’s why she says they’re just “friends,” even if they’re sorta dating.

Sure, she tried dating him a couple times, but lost that lovin’ feeling WAY back when he first started kissing her ass to get her approval.

She just hasn’t worked up enough nerve to tell him to hit the freakin’ road yet. She wants to let him down easy.

(That, or she’s still getting the occasional dinner from him and doesn’t want to kill the Golden Goose.)

Now, here’s what’s going on from HIS perspective:

He’s invested a lot of money in buying this girl dinners, drinks, and taking her out, and she STILL hasn’t put out. He’s only getting a little kissing at the end of the dates, and she always pulls away first - and then he winds up going home alone.

He’s getting frustrated, but he’s also convinced he’s got some ownership privilege here based on his financial investment.

Am I being cynical?

Maybe a teeny tiny bit.

But the reality is that when you have two people giving this kind of conflicting story, you KNOW there’s more than meets they eye.

If you’re in this situation, you have to realize that a woman often dates a guy because he’s a BTN.

Better Than Nothing.

It’s not evil or manipulative. After all, guys do it, too.

What it means is that she’s a serial dater. She doesn’t dump the guy she’s with until she’s got her next one all lined up. Hey, none of that ugly breakup sadness when you can just jump to the next knight in shining armor…

Look, I say you should call this girl and take her out. I really don’t think the other guy realizes he’s being a tool. And since you’re using superior battlefield strategy, YOU are going to get the girl.

Again, I usually don’t condone “boyfriend destroying” or any of that NONSENSE…

But this guy isn’t even a boyfriend - and the saddest part is that he *doesn’t even know it.* You can’t be responsible for someone else’s delusions, right?

Here’s another little secret that most guys don’t know: A woman is often much more open and receptive to being approached when she’s around another man.


Because she’s aware that she’d have to explain herself to her ‘friend’ if she were bitchy to the guy. She’s self-conscious and programmed to maintain her “angelic” appearance. Plus, women have a built-in need for validation from men that is almost NEVER being satisfied.

Even by their own boyfriends.

And if you’re worried about approaching “attached” women, here’s an easy technique to find out right away what the real story is…

Just walk up to him and say: “Hey, I just had to come over and tell you what a stunning girlfriend you have, man…”

And everything will play into your hands from there, with no confrontations or ugly shoving and name calling.

She will glow and get stars in her eyes for you, and he’ll have to either thank you… or confess the blessed truth of his friends-only status.

And if their stories conflict, now you know the real deal.

If you want to avoid this “wannabe” situation happening to you, you need to master the basics of something I call Alpha Masculinity.

When you become “initiated” and really break through to the other side, you’ll find that you’re able to attract women from a place of calm confidence and natural attraction.

And not only that but your radar for these “wannabes” in orbit around beautiful women becomes DEADLY accurate.

You’ll know instantly if she’s really with him based on how he acts around her.

REMEMBER: Real Alpha Men never have to jealously guard their women from being “stolen,” because SHE’S got to work to keep her prize.

To learn more about how to re-connect with your masculinity and be the Masculine Alpha Man she needs, go read more about the mistakes most guys make here:


Strength & Honor…

Your friend,

Carlos Xuma