How to Ask a Girl for a Date by Carlos Xuma

Carlos XumaCarlos Xuma is a dating coach that I’m a big fan of. I recommend his program The Alpha Man Conversation & Persuasion Program to anyone who is interested in him.

Here’s an article by him describing how to set up a date with a girl… yes, a “date”!

Let me just say “day 2″ was one of the PUA terms that I found unnecessary and corny when I reentered the community last year. I’m glad people are back to using the generic term “date” whether it is a formal old school date or not.


How to Ask a Girl for a Date

It’s the most intimidating question a guy can ask a woman, and one that I get asked about regularly. It feels like such a risky proposition, putting yourself out there for a woman’s approval (or rejection.)

The answer to the riddle is this: STOP asking women out!

First of all, you’re starting a program in a woman’s head that says: “He’s romantically interested in me. That means dates, and awkward kisses, and possibly sex, and then a breakup like the last one. I better not.

Second, by asking her out, you make a woman need to figure out if she’s attracted to you the moment you ask the question. She is presented with an opportunity which requires her to figure out her interest level in YOU.

You see, a woman doesn’t want to lead a man on, but she also rarely knows right away if there’s romantic interest. So she’ll say yes just to test you out. It’s like her first drive of a new car. She doesn’t want to be obligated to buy right off the bat. If you push her for an answer right away (which is how asking her out comes across to her) she’ll say No, even if she isn’t sure yet.

Most women are NOT attracted to you immediately unless it’s by your looks alone. If you rely on pure sex appeal to win you the one you want, you’ll be relying on “luck.” There’s a much better way.

Don’t move so fast on her. Be patient. (Oh, and another fringe benefit of not asking a woman out is that you can’t be rejected. Pretty cool, huh?)

Take a moment and think about which of these would be most interesting to a woman:

A) A meal and/or movie date that demonstrates no originality, and implies that she’ll have to be considering you romantically, and that there will be pressure for her to be “on,” and then after it’s all done, she’ll have to deal with your attempt to kiss her. Scary.

B) A chance to go out and have some fun, with no pressure.

Which one sounds better to you?

Now, if you’re still leaning towards Option A, think about which one sounds better to HER?

Does Option B sound better now? You better believe it does.

Now, it may not seem to have your interests in mind right away, but that’s not what winning a girl’s heart is about. It’s about forgetting what YOU want for long enough so that you can give her what SHE wants.

Let’s put it this way - would you invest $10,000 of your hard-earned money in a stock you’d never even heard of before? No way! You’d want to see what the company is about, check out the fundamentals. And THEN you might be willing to invest a few hundred or so.

That’s what it looks like to her - potentially BIG risk, and no guarantee of return.

There’s a saying: “You can have anything you want in this world if you just help enough other people get what they want.

Also, Option B gives her a little MYSTERY about your intentions and your interest, and that is what a woman wants. Remember: hope + doubt = passion.

So now that you’ve figured out that you need to give her a lower investment option to start out with, how do you do it exactly?

Easy. If you’ve only just met her on the street, you should see if she’s got a minute for coffee or tea at the local coffee shop. Take the opportunity to build a little rapport and show her that you’re FUN. The rest will come later if you can demonstrate a laid-back, fun personality.

If she doesn’t have the time, you then shift into a lower gear and get her phone number and/or email address. After you put such a nice request out there for coffee and she turned you down, she’s more likely to agree to give you her contact information, and in most cases she will write it right down.

If she hesitates, which is very likely because you’re still essentially a stranger, then you need to reassure her by teasing her. That’s right, teasing her.

HER: “Sorry, I don’t give out my number.YOU: “It’s okay, I’m only going to leave you a hundred messages on your machine. C’mon, write it down.” Make her feel a little silly that she doubts your integrity and character. Teasing makes her forget about her weird trust issues.

Hand her a pen and paper and don’t look her in the eye; just wait. The next person who speaks, loses.

Usually, she’ll write it down. You have to be willing to wait out that long, uncomfortable silence while she figures out if you’re a confident guy or a wimp. If you start talking and trying to reassure her of all the reasons she should feel okay about giving you her information, you’ve already lost.

Just act as if she could do nothing else, and she will do exactly what you want.

Once you have her contact information, you only need to get hold of her and invite her to complete the offer you originally made - tea or coffee at a certain local shop. It’s a low-investment, and it’s not too pushy or overtly “romantic” that she has to worry about where things have to go.

Want more Carlos? I recommend getting The Alpha Man Conversation & Persuasion Program by clicking here. It is 14 CDs (and over 4.5 hours of bonus material) covering ALL aspects of communication and conversation strategies. Check it out!