How to Avoid Approach Anxiety by Gambler

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Here’s an article by Richard La Ruina AKA Gambler of PUATraining about overcoming approach anxiety…

How to Avoid Approach Anxiety by Gambler

We all get it. Even the best PUAs get it. I get it, even today (although I’ve learnt to love it). That feeling of nervousness when you set yourself up for an approach. The anticipation of being blown out. It can’t be avoided - it’s primal. But it can be managed.

1. Frame It Differently

Don’t see the approach as the most important thing in the world. It isn’t. If you frame the approach in that fashion you are going to load yourself with pressure and, chances are, the pressure will get to you and affect your performance. You should frame it like this: you are a fun and social guy, the kind of guy who has no problem going to people to talk to them and have a good time. If you happen to end up in a conversation with a hot babe that’s great. And if you have a conversation with that girl the close will happen naturally.

2. Take Baby Steps

You need to start small and build up. If you make an approach in the early days and all you can think about is the close, you’ll be more heavily invested in the conversation and there will be more ways to fall short of your goal. Break things down into smaller chunks. When you start out, make it your goal to open as much as possible. Don’t over-analyse things - keep it simple, say hello or ask a simple question and then leave. Once you are comfortable with opening, concentrate on progressing to longer conversations. Eventually, you will be so comfortable in pick-up situations that closes will happen easily and approach anxiety will be more manageable.

3. Reduce The Pressure

If it was as easy as going up to a girl and telling her that you want her, and nothing is going to get in the way of you getting her, I would have wasted the last five years of my life nailing the nuances of interpersonal interactions and would be out of a job to boot. It would be cool if it worked but most of the time it doesn’t. And it will load you with anxiety because there is simply too much pressure. Sneaking in under the radar is easier and much less pressured. Find simple reasons to get talking to your target. Opinion openers are great for this.

4. Don’t Be Too Fussy

Being picky isn’t a bad thing, but you can be too selective. If you only ever approach SHBs (Super Hot Babes), it’ll take years to get over your approach anxiety simply because there aren’t many about and the ones that you do speak to will be difficult challenges so early in your career. So aim a little lower, at least to start with. Aim to open 20 sets a night to open. You don’t need to close them, only open! You’ll conquer your AA and then you can raise your standards to the right level when you’re ready to rock.

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Until next time,


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Comments: One comment

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  • Brad Jackson
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    When I started out and had to pysch myself up to approach and over the intial anxiety, I would turn it into a game. Either by myself or with myfriends. I don’t remember if this was in The Game or another book I read, but I had the following idea before I saw it elsewhere and it works like a charm.
    If you really want to force yourself into approaching, give one of your friends (that you trust) $100 or $500. Whatever. Make a deal that you get $10 or $20 BACK from him for every girl you approach.

    When you make it about money, it’s a lot easier to take the fear of rejection out of it. Then, if the first girl you approach you get her number or lock it down, you get your money back. (Just make sure you trust your buddy).

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