Adam Lyons is one of the most popular pick up artist instructors out right now…
Here’s an article by him on how to get out of a dating rut or slump by changing your thinking…
There’s something I want to bring to your attention today - what kind of questions have you been asking yourself? For instance, when you get in a dating slump and don’t get the results you want to get with women, what is your inner dialogue?
Do you instantly ask yourself things like, “What is wrong with me?” Or, “Why don’t women ever like me?”
Because your brain is like a computer, and when you give it a problem to solve, it is going to give you an answer. And no matter what that answer is, it’s going to be correct. Because your reality is whatever your brain decides reality is.
So if you ask yourself a question like, “Why don’t women like me?” — your brain is going to come up with a whole list of reasons why you are lame and unattractive. It’s just not productive. It makes you feel like sh!t, and it just gives you a reason to go home and hide.
But if you change the question you ask yourself, you get different answers. Reword the question. Say, “What can I do to change the response I’m getting from women?” Or, “Was there a pattern of behavior tonight on my part that might have caused me to get poor feedback from women?”
What this does is change your frame. You’re now looking at this challenge from the mindset that you have the power to change it if you only apply some brainpower–instead of thinking of it from a victim mentality.
This doesn’t just apply to the questions you ask yourself–it applies to statements too. It’s basically about the meaning that you choose to attach to your life. If you’re out of shape and putting on weight, you could decide you’re just a fat lazy bastard with no self control, and that’s going to be your reality. But if you decide that you’ve gotten careless and lazy, and your body is doing its job of showing you that it’s time to bring some discipline back into your life, there’s a lot more chance you’ll be going into the gym sometime soon.
I guess this article is just for those of you out there who are finding yourself in a rut. Because the thing with ruts is that the longer you stay in one, the deeper it gets. You just keep on digging, right? Every time you ask yourself a poorly worded question or attach a negative, victim-oriented meaning to something, it’s like digging a shovel into the ground at your feet and burrowing down, even though all you want to do is get to the top.
Start building a ladder so you can get out of that rut. And do that by ending the digging first. Whenever you catch yourself embracing negative thoughts, stop it in its track and tell yourself, “No, that’s not right at all. Now how can I look at this in a way that is going to help me change what’s bothering me?”
And those kinds of paradigm shifts are going to be the rungs of your ladder. If there’s anything in this world that’s going to make yourself better, in any area, it is realizing that you have the power to consciously change. It’s been proven over and over and over, and I’d say above all things, that’s really what separates humans from other animals.
Our thumbs are great and all, but the fact that we’ve got power of conscious improvement has done much more for society.
And it can do a lot for you as well…