I hear so many guys blame their lack of success with women on their height, weight, looks, baldness and age. Rather than try to improve their social skills and dress better, they instead complain and be negative.
I particularly see this with guys with social anxiety or other personality disorders. They become hypersensitive about how others perceive them. They often times think they are being judged when in reality they are not. Even when others look at them negatively, the best thing they can do is ignore it and not let it bother them.
Based on this, I’m really annoyed by a bit of news I heard today. Apparently there is a college instructor named Haley Morris-Cafiero who is also a photographer.
She goes into crowded public locations, sets up a camera on a tripod facing her and has it continuously take pictures of her. The goal is to capture the critical expressions of innocent bystanders who walk by her.
Here’s more info…
Photographer Haley Morris-Cafiero is turning the camera on her critics, in an attempt to capture how society views overweight people, like herself. Morris-Cafiero suffers from hypothyroidism — a condition that can lead to weight gain — and says diet and exercise have always been a struggle.
“Reversing the gaze, that’s what I’m doing,” Morris-Cafiero told CBS News’ John Blackstone of her “Wait Watchers” project, a photo series that captures the expressions of passersby as Morris-Cafiero stands or performs mundane tasks in public spaces.
I know tons of overweight people, including immediate family members. I do not ridicule them or look down on them. I understand their weight issues.
But here’s my problem with this “project”…
1.) She’s made a spectacle of herself and then complained about the attention
Haley claims that people are staring at her while she “stands or performs mundane tasks in public spaces”. That’s bullshit. The pictures were not taken with a spycam. There’s nothing “mundane” about a camera on a tripod filming her while she does these tasks. Doesn’t it make sense that people would wonder what the fuck is going on when there’s a giant tripod and camera in the middle of the sidewalk aimed their way? Wouldn’t it be logical for them to be curious about what is being filmed?
In the pickup artist community, this would be like Mystery peacocking with an obnoxious fuzzy hat and complaining that girls are staring at him.
I also don’t consider a middle-aged woman on a child’s swing by herself “mundane”. I consider it “creepy”. If I had kids, I would be concerned for their safety… especially with the present camera.
2.) She dressed bad
Get some flattering clothes. Wear some make-up. Do your hair. Looking good has nothing to do with weight. It’s okay that you have hypothyroidism, but take some pride in the outward appearance that you can control. I’m “skinny” and I would expect to be judged by others if I went in public with baggy clothes that don’t fit me and an outdated hairdo.
3.) You can’t really tell what is meant by the person’s look or facial expression
Is it fair to say that a person is a “fat shamer” if they look at you when they walk by and don’t smile? How do you know what they are thinking? Most of the people in the photos have a look of indifference. Even if they are laughing or frowning, how do you know it is addressed to her being “fat”? Maybe they are laughing at a joke that was just said. Maybe they are frowning because they are having a bad day. I mean, who CARES what their vague facial expression really means? Stop trying to psychoanalyze something so trivial!
You can’t read people’s minds, so don’t let it bother you. You have to stop taking outwardly neutral actions and perceiving them as negative. And if they are plain-as-day negative, stop letting the opinions and views of others influence you.
This pertains to YOU too…
If you are reading this, change what you can to the better. Disregard what you can’t. Stop worrying about what others are thinking of you. View life from a positive rather than a negative perspective.
You will instantly become more attractive and people will be drawn to you in a good way.
P.S. - Here’s a CBS News video about her…