I’ve had guys ask me repeatedly which guru has the best advice about turning a female friend into a lover.
I couldn’t recall reading or hearing anything concrete about it. (UPDATE 2/26/10: for NEWER & BETTER info on turning a female friend into a lover, check out this article and this article and these videos…)
Here’s it is:
How to Turn a Friend into a Fuck Buddy
Today, I want to write about something that a LOT of people asked for more detail about - how to turn a friend into a fuck buddy.
First let’s talk about why you’re in the friend category. You’re there because she wasn’t attracted to you, probably because you weren’t direct enough. If you read the report, you know how I feel about being direct with college girls because generally, they want to hook up.
And, BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, let me say that what I’ve taught my boys is more about being direct and NOT getting into this situation into the first place.
But now that you’re in the friend category, you can’t just “change” overnight. She already has an impression of you and impressions like that are hard to shift. So what I’m going to suggest here is a two to three week strategy, but you can start implementing it tonight.
So you have to get out of that category, right? Well, she’s not going to believe that there’s any substance behind your actions if you just start acting differently one day. So you need to come up with a reason that you’re going to change, and communicate it to her. I’m talking big stuff in your life - you fail a class, you talk to God for the first time, you meet an new mentor… something BIG that is going to be a catalyst for your actions.
You tell her about this experience. Don’t go into depth on it or offer too many details, that is try-hard. You have nothing to prove to anyone - it is a personal experience and it has caused you to start thinking differently. So you retreat from her for three to four days.
When you start hanging out again, something about your lifestyle should be different. Adopt a new behavior that demonstrates that you are serious about this. For example, you can do something healthy like being a vegetarian or not drinking for a week. You are in YOUR OWN REALITY where YOU MAKE UP THE RULES.
Ok, so you have set the stage. This is the proverbial cleansing of the pallate - the sniff of coffee beans between wine tastings, the parsley between the appetizer and the main course. When you start acting differently towards her, there will be precedent.
NOW, three things that one of my mentors taught me.
1. Be desireless
2. Be awesome
Be desireless: You should not communicate that you want her or need her. Your life is not better because of her, it is better because of you. You’re having a good time, you’re on the right path, and you love yourself. DO NOT give in to the urge to tell her how happy she makes you or anything. You can show her appreciation, but it should be from the perspective of “wow, good for you, I’m proud of you for being that way” instead of “wow, you’re so incredible and I want to marry you.”
Be awesome: Be absolutely great to everyone in your life. Show her that you are treating everyone with the same accord that you’re giving her. Call your Mom, Dad or Grandpa and tell them you love them. She should see that you are a GREAT guy. She should SEE it, not HEAR it from you. So call up Grandpa when you’re with her and let her see how awesome you are. Now I know this may seem like pussy behavior but think about it - if you’re a badass, desireless guy AND you are gret to everyone around you, well that my friend is to me a Leader of Men.
Flirt: This is kind of what I covered in my report. And there is no contradiction here. You can be desireless but still flirty. Think about how you’d react if a fatass 45 year old woman was flirting with you. You’d flirt back, because there’s no sexual interest on your part AND its obvious she thinks you’re cute so there’s no risk of being “rejected”. So pretend that your friend is a fatass 45 year old. Tease her. Tell her she looks “soooooo hot.” When she flirts back tell her that you’re going to call the campus police on her.
And for heaven’s sake, kino like crazy. BUT… it should be playful kino, not sexual kino. Playful kino is a knee slap, a light shoulder punch, and playing “this little piggy” with her fingers or doing the “got your nose” game because she’s cute. Sexual kino is having your hand on her back and extended touching and rubbing.
If you do this right over the course of a few weeks, she is going to have a huge shift in her perception of you, and her attraction to you is going to get a “reset.” In fact, you will have probably created a “chase” dynamic where she’s pursuing you somewhat, and from there you can basically be out at a party or a social event and just start making out with her.
We could get more detailed about closing logistics, let me know if you are unclear on that last part. It is fairly straightforward though - girl likes you, you tell her “let’s make out”, you make out. That’s college game. Escalate, sex, smack on the ass for being a bad girl, call her the next day, don’t call her for another two days, see her out at a party and hook up again, and that’s that.
I’ve got some field reports that go into more depth on this, and explain it explicitly in my Conquer Your Campus Training Manual.
PS If you haven’t grabbed your copy of the Conquer Your Campus Training Manual you can pick it up NOW by clicking here.