Killing the slob in me and pimping out my bachelor pad

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Matt Savage recently made a post about creating a fully functional babe lair.  It got me thinking about my own bachelor pad.

The problems I have always had is that I’m a slob and I’m lazy.  I did not even know that vacuums had “bags” that you had to change up until a couple months ago.  My sink had soap, hair and shaving cream residue.  My toilet had piss splattered all over the back of it and a black line at the water level.  My shower had mildew.  My oven burners had burnt up food on them.  My refrigerator had spoiled food in it.  I used old cottage cheese containers to bring left-overs to work instead of having proper Tupperware or Gladware.  When I brought women back I had to shovel shit off my couch for them to have a place to set and my bed was never made (not that it mattered by the end of the night).

I used the fact that it was a bachelor pad as an excuse for it to look like a shithole.  I was a poor helpless male without the guidance of a woman to make my life neat and orderly.

What a bunch of bullshit!  I had to change my ways.

I started throwing away my beer bottles right after drinking them.  I cleaned my dishes every night.  I purged the fridge of food that was inedible and took out my garbage on a scheduled day every week.

I went to my married friend’s house and found him living in a house full of potpourri and flower-printed doilies.   Every room except for the basement and garage was decorated by the wife and expressed her likes and personality.  I saw his old college beer signs, sports team memorabilia and bikini posters rolled up and thrown in the corner of the garage.

Unlike my married friend, I had the ability to decorate my apartment the way I wanted and I was too damn lazy to take advantage of it.  That needed to be my next change.

I went to one of my other bachelor friend’s apartment and found an apartment full of Pier 1 Import shit.  He wanted so bad to make his apartment look presentable to women that he bought boring art prints that meant nothing to him and plastered them all over his walls.  He spent hundreds of dollars on vases and generic nick-knacks to put on the bookshelves and coffee table that had no story or history to them other than being shipped from China to his local home decor store in a large shipping crate.

I decided to go back to my parents house and take items that meant something to me.  I got my Fight Club movie poster and framed it and put it on my wall.  I dug out my personalized autographed picture of Mr. Rogers and did the same.  I got my Dr. Seuss book collection that I loved so much as a kid and put them in my bookcase.  I framed some pictures of me and my friends in Las Vegas.  Each item meant something to me and could invoke an interesting conversation that I was passionate about.

I  did not spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on worthless overpriced crap in hopes to impress women who came to my apartment.  I instead took items that I already owned and cared about and decorated my apartment with them.

Maybe my apartment doesn’t exude “classiness” but it’s a bachelor pad not an art museum.   Women are usually quite receptive to it and love walking around it looking and commenting on my items.

It is unique.  It is different.  It is me.

My friend’s wife has given their master bathroom a duck theme with duck bathroom matts, toothbrush holders, soap dispensers and shower curtains.   I have given my bathroom a “dogs drinking beer, smoking cigars and playing poker” theme.

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Comments: 8 comments

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  • Matt Savage
    November 6th, 2007 at 11:08 am

    Sounds like a solid bachelor pad now. I think it is definitely key to have that personal touch to it. I actually went through a bunch of my old boxes and dug out some things from high school and college that I plan on using around the place, like my old track and field jerseys. They’ll look nice hung neatly in the living room and have a bunch of good stories behind them.

    Also, for the lazy guys, they might want to consider getting a maid. Seriously. Depending on where you live, getting a maid to come in and clean up once or twice a month isn’t all that expensive. I have a buddy who pays a maid 40 bucks a month to come in and clean the entire place. I’ve been thinking about this myself, could be worth it.

  • Mack Tight
    November 6th, 2007 at 12:02 pm

    Hey Matt,
    The idea of getting a maid is a great idea. My Grandma used to hire a maid. Once I learn responsibility by keeping it clean myself for a bit I may do that too.

    Has any of your buddies had issues with maids snooping where they shouldn’t be or stealing?

  • PJ
    November 6th, 2007 at 12:42 pm

    If you want to impress me, you’ve got to have some decent books in your bachelor pad. But you’ve got to have read them.

    Whenever I go to my mate’s house I look at his housemate’s book collection and start to fancy him a little. Then I look at his ass and change my mind. ;)

  • Mack Tight
    November 6th, 2007 at 2:18 pm

    Thanks for your comment PJ,

    I definitely do not have the time to read books strictly to impress women nor would I if I did have the time. I’m looking to add items I find interesting and women could also possibly find interesting.

    Books are like music or movies, everyone has different tastes in them. It is impossible to have one collection that will impress all women any how. Some women may be impressed that you have “DaVinci’s Code” and some may groan when they see it. Some may be impressed that you have George Orwell’s “1984″ and some might think it is some old almanac or yearbook that you need to throw out. Every woman I’ve brought over knows and loves “Green Eggs and Ham” though.

    I do not read much in general but I do have a small collection of books in my pad that I would like to read if I do get the urge. They are mainly Ray Bradbury and Kurt Vonnegut Jr. books that will probably not make a woman’s pussy tingle when they see them.

  • Speak Sexy
    November 16th, 2007 at 4:47 pm

    lol Mack - Right…but the “Green Eggs and Ham” will set all pussies on fire! :)

  • Mack Tight
    November 16th, 2007 at 5:05 pm

    But have you ever had green eggs and ham Rose? They may look weird but they taste delicious. Kind of like pussy :P

  • Speak Sexy
    November 18th, 2007 at 2:02 pm

    Hey! I’m sooo offended! My pussy does not look weird thank you very much. =P lol Have you taken a look at the strangeness of your penis lately?

  • Mack Tight
    November 18th, 2007 at 4:52 pm

    No, I cannot say that I set around and analyze my penis on a regular basis. I have heard though that it is more splendid than a Warhol and tastes like strawberries.

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