Some of the problems I had in the past in regards to talking with women was that I was either boring on one extreme or the bar clown on the other.
I knew I had to give value but I couldn’t do it in a way that built attraction.
A student once emailed me and asked:
“Are there any general guiding principles for ‘being the value’?”
The simple answer to this question is, “Yes, there are.”
The biggest one is to subcommunicate being the value.
Let me explain:
You see, you always have to subcommunicate (that is, covertly communicate) the “being” part, while overtly communicating the value aspect.
Sometimes, you can get away with the value and “the being”, both being subcommunicated.
Consider the projection from the previous episode:
“You know what I would do with you… I would wrap you in bubble wrap…until you are all warm and squishy…and then, I would put you in my luggage…and take you to New York, and we would go to…Tiffany’s…and I would deck you all out in Tiffany’s, so when we came right back to this bar right here…you would be my Tiffany’s princess…and all your friends would be completely jealous.”
Now overtly, the story is fun and very emotionally
stimulating… and, both “Fun” and “Emotion Stimulation” are examples of overtly giving value.
But in order for this story to work, we have to “be the value”.
Stated differently: You have to simply subcommunicate that you are both a fun, and emotionally stimulating guy.
To take it one step further, let me explain how this could be done wrong.
Doing this wrong would be saying something to the effect of:
“I’m super FUN … check this out… <projection>”
Bottom line: Don’t do that!
It just will not work - it is trying too hard, and high value
guys don’t exhibit this behavior.
To do this right, there are four subcommunication techniques you should use to get the “being” across:
1. Deliver the story as if she is your little sister, and
tell her zany shit all the time because that is just who you
2. Deliver the story as if you have said stuff like this a
million times, to a million girls, but this particular story was improvised just for them.
3. Make it appear improvised on the spot… and, pause… as if… you are… thinking about what to say next.
4. Eliminate all nervous movements, twitches, or ticks from your body language and delivery.
Incidentally, if you use and master the above techniques, (and, there are dozens more), you will be able to subcommunicate without thinking too much about ‘giving value’ per se… and, you will find yourself giving value almost automatically!
In fact, my entire Get the Girl book focuses intensely on subcommunication for that exact reason.
P.S.– For more, check out my website.