Mistakes To Avoid On Dates

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Paul JankaPaul Janka is the author of the Attraction Formula and Day Game: Secrets to Meeting Women.

I recently made a post called “ Overcoming Approach Anxiety“. In it he gave an unsatisfying answer to a tough question.

He redeems himself with this solid article on seating and body positioning. I particularly like his statement “you shouldn’t be eating with a girl with whom you haven’t yet slept (with)”.

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Mistakes To Avoid On Dates
By Paul Janka

There are plenty of mistakes a guy can make when he’s out with a girl for the first time. Right now, I’ll address one of the most common mistakes: seating. Ever have this problem: you and a buddy see two girls across the way and go over. He sits next to the one you like and you sit next to the friend, not exactly your type. You make small talk; so does she. Maybe your buddy isn’t hitting it off with the other girl, either. This can easily happen, but it takes a very strong personality to break social norms and say, “Switch!” Few people will do so. Most foursomes so situated will sit in this poor energy configuration and the one couple that had a chance - you and the other girl - may never get an opportunity to be alone. You both feel badly if you do so, like you’re betraying your initial partners. This most often ends with everybody feeling blah.

The same thing can happen one-on-one. If you’re seated by a maitre d’ or hostess they’ll probably put you and your date across the table from one another. Or, your date, not knowing better, will wish to sit across from you. If you’re having dinner, this is often unavoidable. But, you shouldn’t be eating with a girl with whom you haven’t yet slept, anyway.

Sitting across from a romantic partner kills sexual energy. First off, it has an interview configuration in which you are physically confronting one another. This format is good for asking challenging questions or scrutinizing a job applicant, not for sharing tender caresses or whispering provocative words. Also, your voice has to project across a table top, so it doesn’t have the intimacy of the close-spoken word. In addition, you don’t have a shared point-of-view (POV). The value of a shared POV is that you can identify things, comment on people, laugh at something you both see, etc. The opposing POVs which two parties have across a table is more suitable for adversaries than intimates.

Side-by-side seating also begins the physical process. With the woman by your side, you can put your hand on her thigh, lean into her shoulder, kiss her neck, hold her hand under the table, etc. In this way, you build on the other elements of intimacy - a quiet voice and a shared POV - so that soon she feels that you and she are one. This is the process by which females open up and include men in their physical reality.

With something as simple as the proper use of seating, you’ve created a sense of intimacy and unity that will soon lead to sex. Choose to sit across, however, and more than likely you’ve increase her sense of alienation.

Paul Janka Day GameTo The Good Life,
Paul Janka

Paul Janka is referred to as “the king of day game” so fittingly he has just released the “Day Game: Secrets to Meeting Women” audio program. Order your copy by clicking here…

You can also get his popular Attraction Formula ebook by clicking here…




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  • Art of Seduction
    June 25th, 2008 at 4:24 am

    Ideally, the seating arrangement you would like to have is a slightly angled one. That way you can still make eye contact without having, as you mentioned, the awkward interview position.

    Always go for a rounded table!

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