Jeff Allen is a dating instructor for Real Social Dynamics. He also goes by the names “RSD Jeffy” and “jlaix”. He’s usually quite humorous and boisterous. But he recently posted a rather somber and vulnerable video about the death of his dad.
Jeff wrote about his dad in his autobiographical book “Get Laid Or Die Trying“. In my opinion, Jeff described him as being hard to please and a bit of an asshole. Things went nuclear when Jeff’s mom told his dad that she was leaving him for another man. Jeff’s dad apparently kidnapped his wife and her new boyfriend and held them hostage using a shotgun. Ultimately, his dad went to jail for 6 years. Jeff says he hadn’t talked to his dad in 25 years.
That brings you up to speed for this video. Jeff rightfully gets emotional at times in it. It struck a chord with me that I will discuss below.
Jeff goes through many emotions related to grieving. I can relate. My mom recently died. But unlike Jeff, I had a positive relationship with my mom up until her death.
He talks about how he considered contacting his father recently. He gets hypothetical on whether he could have changed things for his dad. He talks about how he thinks his dad lived in denial and whether he forgave himself.
Ultimately, this thinking really does no good at this point. His father is dead now and you can’t turn back time or find out what he was thinking prior to his death. The healthiest thing to do is to remember the positive times and try to forget the bad times.
Obviously this is easy for me to say. I never had to deal with a bitter separation of my parents when I was a minor. I never had to deal with a S.W.A.T. team coming into my parents’ house while we were eating. I never was really put in a position to pick sides between my parents. That’s some fucked up shit to deal with at a young age and is bound to cause issues for you throughout your life.
That being said, life goes on. You need to forgive and forget. Otherwise, you’re life is going to be consumed with fear and rage.
Dealing with family is always a tough dynamic. Even if they suck, you cannot trade in your parents for different ones. You have to deal with their shit or live life as an orphan. It’s not as cut and paste as other relationships you have in your life. If a girlfriend is shitting on you, you can leave her and find a better one. With family, you’re locked in.
What do you think of Jeff’s video? Do you think it was appropriate for his YouTube channel? Do you think he exploited his father’s death? Or do you appreciate him being honest and sharing what he’s going through for hopes that it will help others?
Let me know in the comments below.
And check out Jeff’s book “Get Laid or Die Trying”. It was also called “The Nine Ball” when it first came out. It tells more about Jeff’s struggles earlier in life, how they fueled his rage, and how he was able to turn things around to become a successful pickup artist & RSD instructor. You can read some of the beginning pages of the book for free at Amazon.