There is a big debate in the seduction community on who should pay for the bill on the date or if it should be split. I’ve heard countless opinions given by gurus based on different conditions.
I think David Deangelo, author of Double Your Dating, gives a pretty solid answer below:
by David DeAngelo
I want to talk to you about a topic that is always on the minds of men…
It’s the topic of PAYING FOR THINGS FOR WOMEN.
This includes paying for drinks and dinners, buying her gifts and taking her out to shows.
The question is: “Should I pay?”
Most guys feel OBLIGATED to pay if they go out with a woman on a date.
Most guys feel COMPELLED to buy women gifts, flowers, etc. and “take women out” to “show them a good time”.
In fact, the “standard” approach for many guys is simply asking a woman “Can I take you out sometime?”
Of course, there’s ALWAYS more than meets the eye when it comes to these kinds of issues, and this one is no exception.
Take a moment and ask yourself this question:
WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON HERE? WHY DO MEN USUALLY BUY THINGS FOR WOMEN? WHAT’S THE REAL ISSUE?
If you’re willing to be completely open and honest about it, you’ll realize that most men:
1) Use dinners, flowers, gifts, and other “favors” as bait and/or payment for women’s time and attention.
2) Don’t feel deep down like an ATTRACTIVE woman would want to be with them JUST BECAUSE SHE ENJOYED THEIR COMPANY and felt ATTRACTION for them.
3) Have no idea what the ACTUAL affect of trying to lure women with these kinds of things is.
4) MOST IMPORTANTLY> DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
I can remember when I used to think that I needed to always take a woman out, buy them dinner, and pay for whatever I could think of to get a woman’s attention.
It was really a horrible feeling.
The worst part was that the more nice things I did for women when I first met them, the more apprehensive and “standoffish” they seemed to act.
It was almost as if they interpreted my actions as ME TRYING TOO HARD, and they instinctively played “hard to get” in response.
The question of “Should I pay for dinner?” is as old as dirt. So let me answer it with one of my typical multi-part answers.
And the first part of my answer is going to be another question to YOU…
WHY WOULD YOU PAY FOR A WOMAN’S DINNER?
And for that matter, why would you buy gifts and do favors for a woman that you just met and don’t know?
IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU WANT SOMETHING.
And guess what?
Attractive women are VERY perceptive. They can usually size a guy up in a matter of SECONDS.
She KNOWS what’s on your mind. And she’s going to take all the clues you give her to decide how much you like her… and how much of a WUSS you are as well. (If you have a case of Wuss-itis, and you literally can’t even approach a woman… nevermind take her on a date, then you should probably start by clicking here and reading THIS about being a REAL man…
Now I’m going to throw you a real curve ball…
I have friends, who are very good with women, that take women to NICE dinners all the time. I’m talking two hundred PLUS dollars for dinner and drinks ALONE.
I also have friends who almost NEVER take women out for so much as a cup of coffee… yet they have more women than they can handle.
Is this possible?
Are the guys who are buying dinner actually SUCCESSFUL at bribing women with food?
Or do both techniques work?
Well, the interesting thing I’ve found - after studying this topic for YEARS - is that most guys who are REALLY GOOD with women have something in common in this area.
While some may buy expensive dinners for women, and some may buy nothing, NONE of them use the idea of paying for things as “bait” or “bribes” or “obligation”…
In other words, it’s the INTENTION behind the actions that comes through loud and clear.
My friends that take women on dates to beautiful restaurants would be GOING THERE ANYWAY, and they just happen to be taking the woman along with them.
Or if they open a bottle of expensive wine, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN DRINKING IT THEMSELVES.
I also have to mention here that all of the guys I know in BOTH camps know how ATTRACTION works, and how to make women feel attracted to them REGARDLESS of whether or not they pay for things.
To explain this differently, women INSTANTLY RECOGNIZE it when they’re dealing with a man who feels the need to “buy her attention”, and they usually either play hard to get, or they just leave.
You can do anything and have it mean anything.
There’s a way to say “You’re beautiful” and have it mean “You’re not at all attractive”, and there’s a way to pay for things and NOT have it say “I’m a needy Wussy who feels the need to buy you things so you’ll like me”.
One of the problems that a lot of guys have is the real-world issue of money.
It’s expensive to take women out all the time.
It’s expensive to buy flowers and drinks and gifts.
And if you’re single and dating a lot of women, it can be out of the question to always be paying for things.
Well, the good news is that you don’t need to pay for ANYTHING to be successful with women.
And the other good news is that if you LIKE to do nice things and go to nice dinners, THERE IS A WAY to do these things with women and not give off the “I don’t deserve you, so I’ll pay you for your attention” vibes.
Think about the following two ways to invite a woman out to dinner with you:
1) “Can I take you out to dinner on Friday night?”
2) “I’m thinking of going to dinner on Friday at one of my favorite restaurants, and you should join me.”
What’s the difference?
The difference is that the first way IMPLIES that you are TAKING her to dinner.
The second IMPLIES that you’re living your life, doing your own thing, and being your own person… and that if she’d like to come along, she’s welcome.
The second also doesn’t make you sound like a WUSSY.
So what’s my personal opinion of this whole topic?
Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea to start off with a woman by PAYING for things.
It’s much better to allow her to like you and feel ATTRACTION for you without the distraction and expense.
If you understand how ATTRACTION works, you can trigger it using your body language and communication. No money required.
Then, if you want to enjoy dinner or a drink at one of your favorite places, INVITE HER TO JOIN YOU. Don’t ask her if you can “take her out”.
This will make a VERY powerful impression. Trust me.
- THE FLIP SIDE OF THIS COIN…
There is another “dark” side to this whole conversation.
It’s the idea that men feel OBLIGATED or INDEBTED to a woman when the woman spends time with them, gives them attention, etc.
If you’re out with a beautiful woman who OBVIOUSLY has many men who pursue her, it’s easy to get into the mind set of “I have to do extra things, buy her gifts, and go the extra mile to compete with the other guys”.
Sometimes emotions come up that make you feel like you want to “show her” how you feel for her early on… after only knowing her a short while.
OR EVEN WORSE, many guys feel like they OWE A WOMAN SOMETHING BECAUSE SHE’S GONE OUT WITH THEM AND/OR HAD SEX WITH THEM. And often, this “something” is either “dinner and gift payments” or a RELATIONSHIP.
You must realize that EVEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD want MORE than just “payment for their time”.
Attractive women have dinners, money, and gifts thrown at them CONSTANTLY. You’re not going to do ANYTHING to make her more attracted to you by doing these things.
As you know, I talk a lot about the concept of ATTRACTION.
ATTRACTION is the powerful sexual emotion that you feel when you want to be intimately and romantically involved with someone of the opposite sex.
Men typically feel it when they see a beautiful woman.
WOMEN typically feel it when they’re in the presence of a man who knows how to communicate with that part of her that triggers her ATTRACTION “mechanism”.
Most guys either don’t know this, never figure it out, or don’t pay attention to it.
Instead of learning how women work, and doing those things that will trigger her ATTRACTION, they just make the same mistakes and beat their heads up against the same walls over and over.
And they do things like asking women out to dinner, buying flowers and TRYING TO PAY for attention.
It doesn’t have to be this way!
If you’re one of the guys who has been paying for women’s attention all your life, then do yourself a favor right now and STOP IT!
I’ve put so much time and energy into figuring out and explaining how to attract women without PAYING for their attention. Take advantage of it!
You can learn secrets that has taken me YEARS to figure out. And you can do it all right from the comfort of your own home.
And if you’d like an introduction to my main concepts and to learn the basics of how to be more successful with women and dating, then go right now and download my eBook “Double Your Dating“. It comes with three bonus booklets that are INVALUABLE and CRITICAL to your success with and understanding of women. It’s all at:
I’ll talk to you again soon.