A lot of these dating instructors preach “social circle game”. They say you need to become a more social man. So how do you know if you’re “social”?
Do you need 100+ real life friends who you can call anytime?
Do you need to go out every weekend with a giant entourage and party in the VIP section at the hottest club?
This is what irks me with all these dating coaches… they talk themselves up like they are some kind of social god. They claim to have a plethora of high value gorgeous female friends begging to hang out with them.
It might be all true, but then again it might just be exagerated marketing in an attempt to give themselves credibility. Regardless, does this blatant bragging MOTIVATE an average socially awkward guy seeking help… or does it just make them feel like a HOPELESS PILE OF SHIT?
For every 10 “friends” you have…
* 5 are going to mooch off you and be more detrimental than beneficial
* 3-4 are going to be neutral
* ONLY 1-2 are going to bring VALUE into your life
So all that “social” glitter isn’t really all gold, is it?
Now friends are going to come and go in your life… so of those friends, who are the most likely to stay around?
THE LOW-VALUE MOOCHERS!
High value friends move more, they jump into new relationships, and they progress with their lives more…
That bum friend with only a high school diploma who lives in his parents basement is always going to available to “go party”… the smart and savvy friend is more likely to get a job somewhere else or meet and shack up with a girlfriend and leave you behind.
Don’t get me wrong, everyone’s going to have a handful of high quality friends who will stick with them throughout their lives… but for every one of them, you’ll encounter a dozen shitty friends along the way who cling to you like dingleberries around a cat’s ass.
Look at any E! True Hollywood Story episode, some star gets famous and is surrounded by a bunch of people who he ‘thought’ were his friends. As things go south, he realizes they were just leaching off him while he was hot. Low value friends are like cockroaches.
I see this even with some of these dating gurus. They often moon light as club promoters. Are the girls that you text and who you let into a club for free really in your “social circle”? Other times they take the money they make by selling you their products and use it to buy bottle service, fancy condos & sports cars. If your “social game” is so good… why are you paying $1000 for Armani shirts in order to impress others?
I’m not trying to bring you down, or any dating guru for that matter… in reality, what I’m telling you should lift your spirits.
If you have NO friends right now, there’s less separating you from these dating gurus than what you think.
You CAN become better socially… you CAN be more interesting and attractive to girls… you CAN selectively make new high quality friends if you have quality to offer…
So here’s my goal for any of my students when it comes to becoming more social.
1.) You MUST be able to go out by yourself and approach and have an enjoyable conversation with almost ANYONE, whether you have met them before or not
2.) You MUST be able to effortlessly talk to people you DON’T like in a way that they are unaware of it and ENJOY your conversation
3.) You need to actively INSTIGATE interaction with others and not take it PERSONAL if they don’t reciprocate
* You need to be comfortable being alone
* You need to be comfortable approaching and talking to people you don’t know
* You need to talk to be able to mask your negative feelings and stay positive
* You need to be able to see the conversation through the eyes of the person you are speaking to
* You cannot take to heart negativity from others when it is not merited
* You need to be always looking for more attractive dialog
For example, if you’re riding in an elevator with someone and ask them “how about this weather?” and they ignore you, you don’t let it bother you but yet you think about a more witty line to use in such a scenario.
Figure out what you need work on and work on it.
If you can achieve the above, you’re social circle will grow on it’s own. You will be able to pick and choose which friends that you will let into your life. If you move and have to start over, you will be able to do so without a problem.
This is what it REALLY means to be a social man. To be free of anxiety and to be acutely socially calibrated.
P.S. - Do you still have the image of a cat with dingleberries hanging on the fur around its ass? Note to self, look for a more socially calibrated metaphor for “clingy friends”